


Blinding Lights

by corpsepride



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, as well as characters, will add more tags as the story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28599933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corpsepride/pseuds/corpsepride
Summary: Akira discovers that Seidou is still alive, but isn't sure she can come to terms with his condition. In the meantime, the CCG isn't entirely sure what to do with him until Sasaki offers an answer.
Relationships: Mado Akira/Takizawa Seidou
Comments: 13
Kudos: 40





	1. Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot promise I'll finish this fic or be able to provide any regular updates but I'll try my damnedest to keep it going as long as I have the inspiration to work on it.

She had to brute force the door open. It screeched against the stone floor and slammed into the wall beside it—bouncing back just a few inches before halting abruptly. Light from the hallway poured into the small space and fell over a figure huddled against the opposite wall. He lifted his head and stared at her with wide, frightened eyes. The moment she recognized his face, Akira's voice caught in her throat.

 _It can't be,_ she thought.

He got to his feet slowly. His body trembled with what might have been elation—maybe fear, maybe both. His mouth hung open in disbelief and tears welled in his eyes as he struggled to stand while he had to lean back against the wall for support. His hair had gone completely white; his skin had become pale and sickly. His lips had blackened as well as his fingernails and his hands and the corners of his mouth were stained with blood—was it his own? She hoped so. 

Seidou's voice was small and weak, and he croaked out, "M.. Mado..?"

Akira was still in disbelief. She sat outside his hospital room with her hands clasped together tightly. A film of sweat had formed over her skin while her eyes remained fixed on the door ahead of her; wondering what was going on in there. Would her worst fears creep up on her and prove themselves a reality?

The events that had taken place merely hours before kept replaying in her mind. Over and over, they repeated themselves like a corrupted film. She had watched Seidou stumble and lunge for her from across the room and, before she knew it, he'd wrapped his arms around her and wailed openly against her chest. She was too paralyzed to move, or even say anything to him—but the realization of what had happened came to her slowly, and painfully.

Akira let out a shaky breath and mumbled to herself, "Takizawa…"

She hadn't been keeping track of the time, but she knew it was late. Or early. Her body ached with exhaustion, but there was no way she'd be able to sleep. She refused to leave that chair until she was certain of something— _anything_ —pertaining to Seidou's condition. Had they even notified his family yet? Or, would it be better not to..?

Akira couldn't decipher how she felt about it all. She wasn't certain whether she was elated that her friend was alive or utterly horrified by the prospect that he may no longer be human—the latter of which gnawed at her stomach and made her feel sick. She could only imagine what he'd gone through in that prison, the same as Haise. Maybe worse. Definitely not better given the condition he was in. 

She tried to push the thought away.

Just as tears began to well in her eyes, a hand was placed gently on her shoulder. It startled her, and she nearly jerked away before she turned her head to meet a pair of familiar, comforting eyes.

"Haise?" She asked, her voice small and trembling.

The man nodded and gave her a faint smile. He took the seat beside her and rested both his hands in his lap and asked, "How are you holding up?"

Akira swallowed thickly and glanced away from him. How was she supposed to answer that? Her usual calm demeanor had left her. Exorcised like an unwanted spirit and leaving her body an empty, quiet home. 

Haise frowned and his eyes flicked to her hands. They'd begun to tremble, and she let out the faintest of whimpers in an attempt to hide the tears that threatened to spill at any moment. He spoke quietly, "Not well, huh? I'm sorry to hear that," his hand rested on her shoulder once again, "It's okay to cry, you know?"

"I know that," she answered. Her voice cracked, and she wiped her eyes with the back of one of her hands. "I just… I can't," Akira took a deep, shaky breath to steady herself, "What am I even crying for?" 

"You don't have to know right away," he assured her, "But it's good to let it out, at least… it's not good for you to keep it inside like that."

Akira's walls were crumbling before his eyes. She was supposed to be the teacher here—the _mentor_ , the _mother_ —but here she was, feeling small and helpless like a child. Finally, she choked out, "It's my fault…"

"What? Akira, no—"

"I let him go," she insisted, "I let him look for Amon, I… I should… I should have stopped him," Akira had finally reached her limit. She sobbed openly in the chair beside Haise, and she hid her face in her hands. She felt so pathetic, so racked with _guilt_ that she was sitting outside Seidou Takizawa's hospital room because of a decision _she_ allowed him to pursue. She felt selfish. She felt _angry_ that this was happening. Part of her wished he had died so that he didn't have to endure the hell he likely did in Kanou's lab. She sobbed, "I-I'm so sorry, Takizawa..!"

Haise quickly placed his hand on the side of Akira's face and turned her head so he could have her rest against his shoulder. Her hands clawed at his shirt and she sat trembling in his arms while the grief continued to torment her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where is Amon, you ask? I'm pretending he does not exist /j


	2. Visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i only update at like 3am my time

Seidou had been visited by a revolving door of doctors and nurses that poked and prodded at him every hour or so. He desperately wanted to be left alone, but that seemed to be too unreasonable of a request. They attempted to ask him questions, but he would hardly answer—he didn’t have the energy, or the patience. Eventually, he resorted to pulling his blankets over his head and outright ignoring any of the hospital staff. He figured they were too afraid of him to do anything about it.

For a while, he drifted in and out of consciousness. He could only stay asleep for a few minutes at the most. He could make out the sounds of the staff mumbling to each other, trying not to disturb him. Unfortunately for them, he could understand every word of it. 

They would ask each other things like, “What should we do about him?” and, “What are we supposed to feed him?” The thought of eating made him feel sick. Eventually, a nurse was forced to bother him while he’d cocooned himself in hospital blankets. She hesitantly spoke his name, trying to rouse him, but he continued to ignore her. After several minutes, she gave up and finally left the room. He was alone again.  _ It probably won’t last long. _

Was privacy really too much to ask for? A shred of human decency, at the very least? He’d been so desperate to see someone familiar even if it  _ was _ Akira Mado of all people—now it was back to a tiny room with strangers who couldn’t give him even a moment’s worth of privacy. This place wasn’t comfort, nor salvation; just another room he couldn’t leave. At least the smell of chemicals and warmth of a real bed—albeit not quite that comfortable—was a nice change of pace. Seidou clutched the sheets in his hands and breathed in their scent to remind himself it was real despite a nagging doubt trying to convince him it wasn’t; that it couldn’t be. How cruel would it be for his mind to play tricks on him and make him believe he’d been rescued?

_ What’s going to happen to me now? _

Seidou swallowed thickly before taking a breath that rattled his throat and chest. Tears stung his eyes as he couldn’t fight the urge to cry anymore. He didn’t have the energy. He sniffled and wiped his face into his pillow while he hugged his knees to his chest tightly.  _ What if they decide to kill me? Would they do that? _

He tried to push the thought away but his worst fears were getting the better of him. He didn’t ask for this—any of this. Would the CCG be cruel enough to just put him down like some sort of animal? Would they show him any mercy in doing so, or would he be treated like any other monster? He tried to reason with himself. If they had any intention of killing him, wouldn’t they have done so by now? The doctors were well aware he was no longer human, so surely the word had spread already. Maybe they’re just trying to decide how they’d go about killing him, or maybe they’re planning on taking him to Coclea.

_ I don’t want to die, _ he thought. The dread was growing too much for him to bear and, without a second thought, he’d resorted to gnawing on his fingers. As Seidou trembled and sniveled beneath his covers his mouth dripped with his own blood and stained the sheets beneath him. 

_ They’ll kill me. I need to get out of here. Should I run away? Where should I go? I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to _ —

Seidou was startled by a gentle knock on his door. His heart was racing and his pulse pounded in his ears. Fuck’s sake, he just wanted to be left alone! His face heated up and he snapped, “Just leave me alone..!”

There was a pause. Then, the doorknob turned and the door opened with a creak. His fear was quickly chased away by anger— _ frustration _ . He was tired of this. So tired that he quickly shot upward and threw the covers off of him and, with his kakugan activated, he snarled, “I said—” and his voice caught in his throat. His gaze rested on another familiar face standing in the doorway, one he hadn’t expected to ever see again. Seidou’s heart sank into his stomach and his lip quivered while it continued to drip with his own blood. His voice was small and he hesitated, but he managed to mumble out, “H-Houji..?”

Houji nodded and smiled gently, “I understand you’ve been giving the nurses here some trouble.”

Seidou was at a loss for words. So many thoughts ran through his mind and he couldn't settle on just one—they were drowning him. Overwhelming him. He started to speak, but he only stuttered out nonsense. Then, the realization that his kakugan was on full display struck him and he covered the side of his face in shame. He didn’t want Houji to see him like this. 

The man closed the door behind him and spoke softly, “It’s alright, Takizawa. I already know.”

"I… I… I," Seidou stuttered—his expression contorted with anguish. He gripped the sheets below him tightly and choked, "Wh.. why are you h.. here?"

"I'm here because I wanted to see you… and because you were giving the staff a hard time," Houji chuckled. He'd always had this air of calmness about him—always reserved, always composed even in the most dire of circumstances. It was likely he was hiding how he really felt for Seidou's sake, but the man knew that Houj's words were genuine. 

Seidou whimpered, "I just want them to go away…"

Houji sighed through his nose, "I'm sorry to hear that, but it's likely you'll be here for awhile."

"I don't want to be here," Seidou retorted miserably, "I… I want to go home." He hugged his knees to his chest and hid his face in his arms. Seidou felt so small and vulnerable, and he hated it. He spoke again with a noticeable tremble in his tone, "Wh.. what are they going to do to me?” He swallowed hard and choked down a sob. He lifted his head and stared at Houji with wide, frightened eyes, “Are they going to kill me?” Reflected back at him was a look of sympathy. He could tell it broke the man's heart to see him like this, to hear him speak like this. Seidou wasn't himself anymore—and he was certain Houji knew that. He must have thought he was pathetic. A  _ failure _ . 

“Takizawa,” Houji started calmly while he closed the distance between them. He reached out slowly, as if to show Seidou he could trust him. Albeit with some reluctance, Seidou remained still and allowed Houji to place his hand on his shoulder. His grip was firm, but unthreatening. The man kept an earnest expression, keeping his eyes fixed on Seidou as he spoke, “We don’t have any intentions of harming you.”

He wanted to believe Houji. There was no reason for the man to lie to him, but he couldn’t help the way his chest and throat seemed to tighten to the point of suffocating him. His breath hitched in his throat and Seidou responded, “H-How am I supposed to believe that?”

“I thought you might say something like that,” said Houji. He retracted his hand and stood straight, “Which is why I brought someone else who’d like to talk to you.”

“Huh?” Seidou furrowed his brow in confusion. Someone else? Like who? He tried to steady his breathing, but it was useless at that point. Instead, the same bloodied fingers found their way between his teeth as he gnawed them anxiously. Houji nodded and turned his head toward the door before clearing his throat and announcing, “You can come in.”

Seidou’s gaze fell on the door. He watched the handle turn and a rather young-looking man emerge from the other side. He didn’t look familiar… who the hell was this? He was soft in the face, with gentle brown eyes and a head of  _ mostly _ grey hair, which was starkly contrasted by his emerging black roots. He had a friendly demeanor as he approached, keeping a light smile on his face before outstretching his hand and calmly introducing himself, “It’s nice to meet you, Takizawa. My name is Haise Sasaki.”


	3. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot to change the publication date of the last chapter, oopsie. at least now everyone who didn't see the previous update has more to read now.

The proceeding conversation left Seidou’s head spinning with more questions than answers. Although Haise had taken the time to explain the Quinx program to him, he couldn’t seem to understand why in the world someone would  _ willingly  _ allow themselves to be implanted with a kakuhou. Despite the safeguards, the associated risk didn’t seem at all worth it. Then again, his apprehension to the idea could be credited to the living hell he’d endured. The fact that the same methods used to strip him of his humanity had been refined to aid the Commission left an unsettling feeling in his stomach—one he’d choose to ignore. For now, at least. In the meantime, he'd been offered a new position under Sasaki and—unfortunately—Mado; a proposition he’d been given time to consider, but it didn’t exactly feel like he had much of a choice in the matter. He was too much of a hazard for the CCG; he was a ghoul now, and Aogiri would be itching to get their hands on him again.

He’d spent a few more days in the hospital before being discharged back into the Commission’s custody. He hadn’t received any other visitors. The staff wouldn’t let anyone else through his door after Sasaki left, and he wondered if anyone else was aware he’d been found other than Mado, Sasaki, Houji, and the other higher-ups. He’d been told that his family would be notified, but that he wouldn’t be able to contact them for the time being. At first, it felt cruel—and it still did, to some degree, but he understood why. Aogiri could be looking to target them next, and the Commission would need to relocate them and find some means of security for their own protection for the time being. The fact that Seidou’s family was in danger just because he was alive made him feel a great deal of guilt—but he would find a way to manage.

Seidou continued to mull over his thoughts as the days went by, and he often found himself lost in his own head. Everything around him just seemed to fade away or grew too far out of reach. Thankfully, he had someone to pull him back into reality this time. Just as he was getting lost again, Sasaki worriedly spoke his name and snapped his fingers. With a jolt, Seidou became aware of his surroundings once again. He was standing outside of a large residence. The chateau, was it? It looked a bit too lavish for the CCG’s taste; then again, it wasn’t exactly meant to be an office building.

Sasaki furrowed his eyebrows in concern before he spoke, “Is everything alright?” Seidou blinked and took a moment to answer, “Oh. Uh, yeah. Sorry.” Sasaki smiled gently in response and turned on his heel—motioning for Seidou to follow. The entrance to the building had a rather ornate door, which Sasaki dug in his pocket for a key to. After unlocking it, he turned and handed the key to Seidou, “Here, you’ll need this.”

Seidou took the key from him absentmindedly. The fact that he’d be living here for the foreseeable future was finally beginning to sink in, and it was already a bit overwhelming. He took a deep breath and sighed before entering the building behind Sasaki. As the two of them walked, Sasaki started to explain each floor of the chateau to him despite Seidou only half-listening to him. “Our training facilities are here on the first,” he stated cheerfully, “And the second is where the kitchen and stuff are. Oh—and there’s a living room! I find it’s quite cozy.”

“Sounds cool,” Seidou mumbled. Sasaki continued to ramble about the chateau, “And the third is where residents live! Everyone has their own room, including you.” 

_ They really pulled out all the stops, huh? _ His own room… it almost seemed too good to be true. Once they finally made it to the third floor and ascended the hallway, Sasaki placed himself promptly in front of one of the doors. It seemed a bit plain, but that was mostly in comparison to what he’d seen of the building. Again, Haise dug in his pocket and handed him a second key, presumably to the bedroom. Seidou accepted it, and Sasaki stepped to the side to allow him to open the door himself this time. Once he allowed himself inside, he found that the room itself was rather nice, too. He had a bed, bookshelf, coffee table, and desk—not to mention a full-sized closet. It seemed cozy, comfortable… almost too comfortable. 

Seidou made a beeline for the bed and immediately placed his hands on it. The covers were soft to the touch and, when he pressed down, the mattress was just as soft. For a brief moment, all his worries had melted away as he sank down comfortably on his side with a sigh of relief. The sight made Sasaki chuckle and lean against the doorframe, “I take it that you like it?”

Seidou sat up straight and cleared his throat, “It’s just been awhile since I’ve had a nice place to sleep.” Sasaki nodded and replied, “That’s understandable.” He took a glance around the room and clapped his hands together, “Well! Feel free to make yourself comfortable. The others won’t be around for another few hours, so… we can make introductions then.”

Right. The “Quinx” as he called them. Seidou’s gaze rested on the floor and he mumbled, “Sure. Thanks.”

Sasaki tilted his head and asked, “Before I go… would you like me to get you anything? Are you… hungry, maybe?” The question made Seidou tense. He hadn’t eaten anything since before he was rescued; that was a month ago by now. He’d been dismissing the feeling up until then, but the ever-growing gnawing at his stomach became unavoidably apparent at Sasaki’s concern for him. Seidou swallowed thickly and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Hesitantly, he answered, “Yeah.”  _ But I don’t want to eat. _

The other man nodded, “Right… I thought so.” He seemed to take note of Seidou’s unease judging by his worried expression. Sasaki tried to give him a comforting smile, “It’s alright, you know. I understand.” Seidou didn’t reply. Instead, he recalled the last time he’d eaten. Lost in his thoughts, Seidou pictured the cell they’d kept him in. All he had was a toilet—no bed. When it came time to eat, he refused every bite. In his mind, death would be far better than succumbing to the hunger.

Aogiri, however, disagreed. On more than one occasion he’d been restrained and forced to eat; sometimes on his back with a feeding tube, others sitting upright with someone else’s hands invading his mouth. If he vomited, he was forced to eat that, too; every single time. They would use any means necessary to keep him alive—but just barely. 

Seidou’s hands began to tremble and his throat felt dry. Before Sasaki could speak again, he croaked out a very quiet, “I can’t.” Sasaki sighed through his nose in response, “It’ll be more troublesome if—”

“I told you,” Seidou interrupted, “I can’t.” Sasaki sighed through his nose and went silent for a few moments. Clearly, he was annoyed. It wasn’t like Seidou wasn’t aware what could happen if he didn’t eat, but he couldn’t justify it to himself in his mind. The thought was just  _ revolting _ . If he gave in, it would mean losing his last thread of humanity—the only feeling that reminded him he wasn’t a monster; the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to eat another person. 

Finally, cleared his throat. With one eyebrow raised, he asked, “What if I cut you a deal?”

“Eh?”  _ A deal? _

Sasaki smirked and tilted his head forward, “How about I bring you something to eat and a glass of water and I leave you alone? Sound fair?” Seidou’s lip curled back in a look of disgust, “I don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to eat it all, and I won’t ask you about it, either. It’s your decision. But, I should remind you… you can’t stave it off forever.”

“I know that—”

Sasaki narrowed his eyes in a serious expression, “I just wanted to be sure. And to be clear, I’m not going to go out and kill anyone or anything.” Seidou raised an eyebrow, “Then what are we—”

Before he could finish his question, Sasaki had bolted down the hallway without him. Seidou started to get to his feet, but decided against it. With a sigh in defeat, he remained where he was seated. He figured the CCG wasn’t just going to allow either of them to hunt for food, and he was certain they wouldn’t do it for them, either. Maybe it was something synthesized..?

A few minutes had passed before Sasaki returned carrying a small bowl with a spoon and a bottle of water. Again, before Seidou was able to question him, Sasaki placed them both on the coffee table and said, “There!”

Seidou squinted and leaned forward to get a better look at the bowl. Inside he could see what appeared to be some sort of soup with hunks of meat in it. He grimaced and quietly asked, “What is that..?”

“Ah, well… you are aware of what they feed the ghouls in Cochlea, right?”

Oh. So that’s what this  _ substance  _ was. He’d always wondered just what exactly they fed them, but seeing how he’d never been to Cochlea nor was it likely he’d ever be stationed there, he never really thought too much about it. They couldn’t have been feeding those ghouls using citizens, could they? Maybe they made use of the flesh of death row inmates..? Seidou swallowed thickly and answered, “Not really.”

“Oh! Well,” Sasaki rubbed the back of his neck, “You see… they, uh… feed them other ghouls.”

Seidou’s jaw fell open slightly, “Other… ghouls?”

“Yes! Except those in Cochlea are also fed RC suppressants. Not us, though!”

Seidou’s stomach lurched. He wasn’t really sure what to say at that point, but the thought of eating ghouls instead of humans didn’t bring him much comfort at all. There didn’t seem to be any other alternative, though. This was it.

A few moments passed before Sasaki nodded and quietly said, “Right.” Then, he made his way back to the doorway and smiled at Seidou with that same gentle expression he’d given him the day they’d met, “I’ll stay true to my promise and leave you alone now. I’ll come and get you once everyone’s here, alright?”

He nodded absentmindedly and mumbled, “Alright.”

Once Sasaki was gone and had shut the door behind him, Seidou sat in uncomfortable silence. His eyes now remained fixed on the bowl. He was so hungry… could he really do this? He hesitantly reached for it with his still trembling hands and placed it in his lap. He took the spoon and slowly brought it to his lips and sniffed it. Nothing odd about it… it didn’t particularly stand out. Seidou took in a deep breath through his nose and stared down at the ghoul stew while his own heartbeat grew ever more present in his ears.  _ It isn’t human meat. It’s okay. You can eat it. Can I eat it? I… can eat it, right..? _

Seidou reluctantly opened his mouth and placed the spoon on his tongue.


	4. Gift Box

Later that evening, the dining room would be occupied by only a few people. Mutsuki sat meekly at the main dining table beside Shirazu, who seemed to be talking his ear off about something he didn’t seem interested in. Urie opted to hover in the kitchen with headphones in and ignoring everyone for the time being. Saiko was nowhere to be found, but a guest would be there in her stead—Akira. She sat at the bar beside Haise with her legs crossed. In front of her sat a cardboard box she’d brought for Seidou, but was unaware of its contents. She didn’t pry, as she didn’t see it was any of her business, but she hoped it would be something to help him adjust to living in the chateau.

Ever since the night she found him, he wouldn’t leave her thoughts. Over and over, she replayed the event back in her mind. The Takizawa she knew was most likely gone—replaced by the disheveled man who clung to her the entire way out of the facility they’d raided. Who knows, maybe the old him was still buried in there somewhere. She could only hope for something like that.

She was lost in her thoughts again when Haise placed his hand on her shoulder, “Akira?” She gasped quietly and sighed, “Oh—sorry…” Haise smiled, “It’s alright. I was just making sure you were still with us. Are you doing okay?” Akira contemplated for a moment. She took a breath and answered, “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Haise,” She feigned a smile, “I’m sure.”

He scratched his cheek and shrugged, “If you say so. It doesn’t seem like Saiko is going to be coming out of her room anytime soon, so… I think I’ll go ahead and let him know to come down here.” Akira nodded and folded her hands in her lap, “Alright.” 

Haise stood and disappeared in the direction of the stairwell. Now that she was alone at the bar, her thoughts began to wander once more. She couldn’t understand why, but the thought of seeing Seidou again made her chest feel uncomfortably tight. Things would certainly be different now, and she wasn’t entirely sure she could handle something like that. But, at the same time, she was glad to be getting somewhat of a second chance. She could do things right this time.

Suddenly, Shirazu turned his attention away from Mutsuki and, brimming with enthusiasm, he pulled Akira’s mind back into the present. “You used to know Mr. Takizawa, right? What’s he like?”

“Oh,” Akira said softly. Unsure of how to answer, her gaze rested sadly on her hands. In a quiet tone, she answered, “From what I remember, he was always a straightforward and serious person. I think most people would say he was friendly. Although, he could be a bit sensitive.”

“Really?” Shirazu leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, “Huh. Do you know what kinda stuff he likes?” Akira shook her head, “Not particularly. But I do remember him only ever eating the curry out of the cafeteria.” She chuckled quietly to herself.

“Well, he must be cool if he was friends with you!”

“Right, friends,” Akira mumbled. She wished she could call it that. Before the two of them could keep talking, Haise announced his return by calling out to them from another room. Shortly thereafter, he emerged with Seidou close behind with his head tilted downward and his bangs covering his face.

The two of them made eye contact as soon as Seidou lifted his head. He looked healthier than he did the night he’d been found, but reflected back at her was a gaze she could only describe as empty. He was clearly exhausted, and nothing about his demeanor reflected the person she used to know. They held that look for only a few brief moments until Seidou averted his eyes and mumbled a greeting to the rest of them.

Finally, Urie had put away his headphones and joined them by leaning over the bar. Mutsuki remained silent, but had perked up at Haise’s presence alone. Without any warning, Shirazu stood from his seat with a toothy grin and was the first of them to greet Seidou, “Heya! Sassan says you’re gonna be working with us!” To which Haise shushed him and politely asked for him to sit back down.

After that, Seidou shifted uncomfortably and said, “Yeah, um… I’m Second Class Seidou Takizawa.” Akira’s heart sank in her chest, but she forced herself to seem at least a _little_ cheerful by greeting him, “It’s good to see you, Takizawa.”

Seidou didn’t look at her, “Good to see you, too.”

Something about his avoidance felt like a sharp pinching in her chest. She opened her mouth to speak again, but was very quickly interrupted by Shirazu slapping his hands down on the table—causing Mutsuki to flinch—as he leaned over it and very enthusiastically introduced himself with, “And I’m Third Class Ginshi Shirazu! Nice to meetcha!”

Urie rolled his eyes and spoke up, “Looks like we’re the same rank, Investigator Takizawa. I’m Second Class Kuki Urie.” 

Mutsuki shifted in his seat and quietly stated, “I’m Third Class Tooru Mutsuki…”

A moment later, Sasaki cheerfully clapped his hands together, “And you already know me as First Class Haise Sasaki. It would have been nice to have introduced you to Yonebayashi, but…”

“She’s a total shut-in!” Shirazu exclaimed, “Couldn’t get her to come out of her room!”

Akira watched Seidou carefully. He didn’t seem all too thrilled to be doing this… in fact, he seemed a bit overwhelmed. His mouth hung slightly open as if he weren’t sure how to respond, and he seemed to be avoiding everyone’s eyes. Clearly, he wanted to be alone. She cleared her throat and took the box she’d brought for him as she slid off her stool and walked toward Seidou, “Now that introductions have been made, I brought you something.”

Finally, he looked at her. He raised an eyebrow and sheepishly held out his hands to take the package and mumbled, “Oh..?”

Akira nodded and kept a light smile, “It’s from your mother, I believe.”

Seidou’s jaw fell open completely in a look of disbelief. He took the box from her and held it tightly to his chest as he met her gaze, “My mom..?”

The vacant stare he’d arrived with vanished. Reflected back at her now was something Akira couldn’t quite describe—but a feeling of warmth spread through her chest knowing a little piece of Seidou was still in there. He looked from her to the package to Haise and then back to her. When he spoke again, his voice cracked slightly, “Thank you, Mado.”

Akira wanted to sigh happily, but she kept it to herself. Instead, she nodded again with an, “Of course, Takizawa.”

Mutsuki and Shirazu exchanged looks of concern and then glanced at Urie, who only shrugged and turned his attention away and fished his headphones out of his pockets. An uncomfortably heavy silence hung in the air before Seidou took a step back and, with a trembling voice, he asked, “Do you mind if I…?”

Haise blinked, breathed “oh”, and nodded happily, “Of course not! Go ahead, you’ll have plenty of time to get to know everyone later.”

Akira’s heart sank again. She didn’t want him to leave so soon, but she wasn’t going to protest. After all, the package was from his mother. After Seidou said his goodbyes to everyone and disappeared toward the stairwell, her expression fell and she looked down to the floor. He definitely wasn’t the person she used to know, but she hoped that the glimpse of him she’d gotten could still be salvaged. 

Mutsuki and Shirazu seemed to be whispering to each other—possibly about the exchange she just had with Seidou. She brushed it off and returned to her seat at the bar with Haise doing the same and let out a sigh as she sat down. With those always soft eyes, Haise leaned over the bar and furrowed his brow, but Akira shook her head to tell him she wasn’t up for conversation.

She thought to herself, _I’m sorry, Takizawa_. 

* * *

Seidou returned to his room in a hurry. Before he was even close he could feel tears streaming down his cheeks and by the time he’d closed the door behind him he had to wipe his face on his arm and place the package on his coffee table. His hands trembled as he tore into it and found an envelope sitting on the top of a pile of assorted items. He could make out a few picture frames, some books, another, smaller box, and what appeared to be some of his old clothes. Before bothering with anything else, he immediately went for the envelope and tried his hardest to open it carefully out of fear he might damage its contents.

Inside, he found a folded piece of paper. A letter? His heartbeat drummed against his chest and in his throat as he gently unfolded it.

_Seidou,_

_I can’t tell you how happy I am to know that my sweet boy is alive. When I heard the news, I could hardly believe it! I miss you every single day and I hope we get to see you again soon. I had Mado bring you this package because I thought you might appreciate it after everything that’s happened. I still don’t know all the details and you don’t have to tell me all of them right away. Inside the smaller box is a smartphone that I set up for you myself. I already ran it by the CCG, so don’t worry. Please, call me as soon as you can._

_Love, Mom_

Tears dripped off of Seidou’s chin and stained the letter as it crinkled in his hands. Without missing a beat, he grabbed the smaller box and tore it open, too. True to his mother’s word, a black smartphone sat inside with a manual, a pair of headphones, and a charger. He powered it on and watched the brand logo flash on screen before it took him to the home screen, which was still set to its default. He opened his contacts and scrolled until he found “Mom”, and his finger hovered over the “call” button.

He hadn’t seen her in months. He’d changed, and he was a mess, but he wanted nothing more than to see his mom’s face again. To hear her voice. He was afraid that she would hate him for what Kanou did to him—for the CCG having to uproot hers and his sister’s lives and likely force them into a new home. The anxious tremors in his hands nearly made him drop the device, but he clutched it tightly and, after taking a deep breath to steady himself, he finally pressed the “call” button.

He listened to it ring. Each passing second felt agonizing, and he feared she might not pick up. He started to worry if this was really a good idea. How much had the CCG already told her? Did she know that he was a ghoul now? If she didn’t, should he even tell her? 

Seidou swallowed thickly as another second passed. 

_Pick up, pick up… please, please pick up…_

The phone stopped ringing, and he could hear something on the other end. It felt as if the rest of the world suddenly disappeared in that moment, and he finally croaked out, “Mom..?”

His mother’s voice greeted him, “Seidou?”

He backed into his door and slowly slid down onto the floor. He couldn’t hold it back any longer—he heaved out a sob as his mother worriedly asked if he was alright and what was going on.

For the first time in months, Seidou felt relief. 


End file.
